Final Devastation

Rough night!

I woke up at 550am on the dot this morning trembling and crying from an awful nightmare I had.  I felt like such a baby!  I don't know if any of you are familiar with the Final Destination movies, but that was basically the theme of my tortured night.

Ryan, one of the kids I am babysitting, was watching the 5th FD movie while home sick one day.  I had come over around 2pm to check on him and keep him company.  I had never really heard anything too in depth about the Final Destination movies, so I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and watch it with him.  Little did I know it was 1) rated R and 2) a bloody, gory, graphic mess of a movie!  I hate those types of movies!  To summarize the plot of these lovely films: these Final Destination movies are all about cheating death.  However, once a person or group of people cheat death, death then decides to "get its revenge" and kill them off one-by-one.  In this particular installment, a man had a "vision" that involved the bus he was on crashing and everyone dying.  The man was able to evacuate the bus and saved everyone, but death was mad.  Ryan decided to fill me in on what I had missed by rewinding the movie to each death scene that I had missed. (WARNING: GRAPHIC) I saw a girl fall over a bridge and be pierced through the chest by a boat's mast, a man was impaled by an industrial hook through his jaw/skull, another man was killed by a wrench to the head in a warehouse almost splitting his skull in two, a man burn alive in an airplane crash, and a woman split in half on the wing of the airplane after losing her grip on her boyfriend's hands and flying out of a gaping hole in the side of the plane.  After being graciously briefed on the movie, I excused myself and ran into the bathroom to cry profusely and splash cold water on my face.  

After getting over the initial shock of a 12-year old watching a movie like this (or the film industry ALLOWING this type of movie to be made...), I left the comfort of the bathroom to read in a quiet corner, away from the sickening noise of bodies splattering and blood-curdling screams.  Since that day, I have been haunted by this darn movie!

I haven't been sleeping well at all lately to begin with.  Restless nights of sleep seem to fall into sync with being away from Matt.  Even when he would need to travel for wrestling, the entire weekend he was gone I would experience fitful nights of half-sleep.  Not having him a 5 minute walk away would throw me for a loop - now, being thousands of miles away from each other is obviously taking its toll on me.  However, I didn't really experience nightmares in the past... the occasional weird dream, yea, but nothing to this caliber.  Despite not living or sleeping together, I get extremely uneasy being away from him.  When he's close by, I can sleep through the night without a problem... but once he's gone, it goes to crap!

Yesterday, Matt left Fort Knox for Portugal.  We weren't sure how we were going to be able to communicate for the next month, so I went to bed uneasy and sad.  I don't like missing him!  It took me awhile to fall asleep, which I'm no stranger to, but once I was asleep, I began dreaming as if my life were a part of this Final Destination movie...

I remember my dream self was part of a group of people who had just escaped death somehow.  I remember knowing a few people had died already, although I didn't see how they died and I didn't know any of them; I was left alone to die in the presence of strangers.  In the beginning of my dream, I had a flash of a woman being pierced with tent stake through the face (graphic, I know... I don't know HOW my mind came up with this).  Sure enough, at this point in my dream, I was sitting under a white tent playing cards with these people I didn't know.  One of the people I was playing cards with (I am assuming it was the guy that had the vision and saved us all from dying) confirmed that I would die next, but didn't say how.  I immediately thought back to the vision I had of the women dying via tent stake and realized that the woman I saw dying was me, so I stayed put under the tent and continued playing cards.  At that point in the dream, my actual, sleeping self was terrified and distraught since I KNEW I was going to die.  I remember telling everyone I was playing cards with about Matt and how in love I was with him and how excited I was to be marrying him this summer.  I knew I had to tell them so, in the off-chance they all survived, maybe they would be able to tell him how I felt and that would bring him some comfort.  
Then... I woke up.

I don't know if my body was telling me "you had enough stress for tonight" and was trying to protect me, but I was so grateful I woke up when I did.  When I woke up, I was trembling and crying uncontrollably and I immediately rolled over to see if Matt was there.  I don't know why I did that, but I reached for my phone and remembered I couldn't call or text him either.  So, I mustered up enough courage to walk to the bathroom and then to the kitchen for some water.  The darkness of the small apartment just made me more paranoid and I ended up almost in hysterics again.  When I was finally able to fall back to sleep, I was subjected to smaller, less intense nightmares following the same Final Destination theme.

I think what scared me the most was that I was among strangers and not among family or Matt.  In all of my nightmares, I knew no one and had to rely on others for comfort and for them to relay to Matt and my family how much I loved them before I was to die.  How incredibly morbid!!!  I normally like creepy, semi-morbid things, but this took it WAY too far.  Here's to hoping tonight's sleep will be a tad bit more enjoyable...